Jolly Ol Santa Beard
jolly ol santa beard question by Enigma: Santa Claus: Is He Naughty or Nice?
Ol’ Santa is usually portrayed as that jolly bearded guy in the red suit, but is he, really?
What kind of name is “Santa Claus” anyway?
“Santa” is the Spanish word for “saint,” and “Claus” just sounds German. Does that mean that Santa has mixed heritage? Does he represent multiculturality even though he’s white? Though this sounds possible, a friend and I have arrived at a better theory. Does anyone else not noticed that Santa’s name shares the exact five letters as Satan? Could it be that Santa is a spawn of Satan? Well, Barney is already a spawn of Satan, so my friend and I are convinced Santa is Satan himself in disguise. It would explain why no one ever saw Santa as a boy and why he hasn’t grown any older over the past 20 years. Satan is ageless. He probably had an Aphrodite-style birth to begin with. No wonder he rivals JC in popularity.
How does Santa get everything done by Christmas?
Easy: cheap slave labor. The elves are being forced against their will to make the presents, wrap them up, and deliver them. Santa is too fat to fit inside the chimney, but because the elves are too small, he’s the only one everyone notices. Santa doesn’t even do anything. All he does is ride in his sleigh (which is no doubt a fun activity) and sit around the mall pretending to be nice. He gets paid to have children sit on his lap, you know. If you want to thank anyone, thank the slaves.
Does Santa set good examples?
By no means! Santa is obese, and obesity is this century’s epidemic. He must have drunk too much Coca-Cola. Which reminds me. Santa is also a sell-out.
More importantly, Santa also gives children the wrong message. Why do children suddenly behave in December and only in December? Why don’t they behave all year long? Why does Santa bribe them with presents so they can be good? This is a bad parenting skill. Even worse, it seems that all children get presents whether they’re naughty or nice. Doesn’t this remind you of communism? Soon enough, all the children who have been nice so far won’t even bother to be nice.
Santa also encourages materialism. Because of Santa, Christmas is suddenly about gift-giving. People are pressured to buy gifts if they don’t want to be thought as cheapskates. The insincerity in gift-giving defeats the spirit of Christmas.
Knowing all of the above, why do we still tolerate Santa? Unintentional or not, he’s naughty. He’s not nice at all.
jolly ol santa beard best answer:
Answer by NEO PIRATE
Santa Claus, also known as Saint Nicholas, Father Christmas, Kris Kringle, or simply “Santa” is a historical, legendary and mythological character associated with bringing gifts on Christmas Eve or Christmas Day. The popular North American form Santa Claus originated as a mispronunciation of Dutch Sinterklaas, which in turn is a contracted form of Sint Nicolaas (Saint Nicholas). However, the Dutch Sinterklaas is different from Santa Claus in many ways: see the section on Dutch folklore. The Dutch word for Santa Claus is Kerstman (“Christmas man”). Santa Claus has a suit that comes in many colors depending on the country. The most common depiction (red with white sleeves, collar, and belt) became the more popular image in the United States in the mid-to-late 19th century